The last few weeks I have had moments where I have felt completely worn from the symptoms of gastroparesis.  The circumstances have felt too reminiscent of where I was over a year ago and if I’m honest that scares me.  I’m finding myself squirm at the reality of physical suffering, yet I am keenly aware that it was in the midst of the suffering a year ago that God transformed me. 

I recently learned that the giant Sequoia trees do not release their seeds to reproduce unless there is a high intensity fire that causes the seeds to release.  This process often kills the tree itself and yet this process of death can bring the new life of hundreds of sequoia trees.  New life comes from death.  As I ponder the sequoia, I am struck with the truth that it is in the fire where I die to self that I find life abundantly in Christ.  

This knowledge of the sequoia sent me into a small search of beautiful things or worthwhile things that come from a difficult or painful process.  I found that pearls are formed when a foreign object like sand or a parasite enter the oyster.  The nacre is the shiny part of the inside of the oyster.  When the foreign object enters the nacre covers it with layers and layers resulting in a pearl.  Olive oil comes from pressing and gold comes from refining fire.  

James 1:2-4 says, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”   It isn’t the easy days that produce lasting and good things.  It’s the hard painful things that produces the spiritual growth.  It’s the pressing into God and perseverance that will further deepen our faith in God.

Chronic illness is part of this life for me and while I am tempted to think of all the things I could do for the Kingdom if I wasn’t sick, this is where He has me.  It isn’t a punishment but part of this broken world.  His promise is that He will use every ounce of pain, every tear, every moment of weariness for His glory.  He will walk me through it all and beauty will come from it.  It is here that I am finding joy in Him because I am learning more deeply the character of my God, my loving Father.

Over the last week, I have been challenged by the thought, “if this is the life I have been entrusted with, how do I steward it well?”  One way that I have tried to steward this well is by making my rest days spiritually productive.  It is tempting to just chill and watch movies and some days that is exactly what I do.  Over the last year, I’ve found it is important to have structure even in rest especially when I feel sick more days than I feel well.  I spend intentional time in God’s word and in prayer, especially for the people in my life.  Rest days have also become days to write and share what God is teaching me in this season.  These are the things that help me press into a deeper relationship with my Father.  They also help me see that there is purpose in this season of pain and nausea and He using this for something much greater than I can see.  What would it look like for you to steward a hard season, well?

I don’t know what hard things you are going through, but friend as you are being pressed, press into Him.  Just like the giant sequoias, pearls, gold, and olive oil the pain will not be wasted.  How is God calling you to steward this hard season?  Beautiful things will come from the heartache and pain when we lean into God.  May we land on His grace.