The end of January 2023 brought a mess, or maybe it was more like an implosion.  I had been dealing with a gastroparesis flare up for months and was unable to eat and maintain nutrition.  This along with depression and anxiety, that was more crippling by the day, left me beyond weary.  I was holding too tightly to my friends to be my source of support.  All of this cumulated into a mental health crisis that ultimately left me sitting in the rubble of my life, alone.  At least that is how it felt at the time, but I was never left alone.  God was right there the whole time I just couldn’t see it because my focus was on the problems, not God.  

While I hate that everything went down the way it did, I know that I had to have a demolition in order to re-align my life with Christ. No one could help me with this. I had to travel that path with just God. The Sunday after the crisis, I listened to a sermon a childhood friend preached on Spiritual Warfare. It was then that I truly saw that I had a spiritual problem more than a physical or emotional problem. I couldn’t ignore it anymore, but I had no idea where to begin.

God in His impeccable timing was preparing to answer a prayer for revival that many generations had prayed for in the little town of Wilmore, KY at Asbury University.  I was one of the many that prayed for God to bring revival to Asbury while I was a student there, but in the midst of my crisis that prayer was long forgotten. On February 8, 2023 a regularly scheduled Chapel service resulted in an “Outpouring” of the Holy Spirit.  My social media became filled with reports that students were still in Chapel hours after it ended and then the text messages came saying revival was happening.  

February 9, 2023 is a day I pray I never forget.  I drove to Wilmore, a little skeptical and uncertain of what to expect.  I’m not sure I will ever have all of the words to express that experience, but I can say my life was changed that day.  The moment I stepped foot on campus I felt God in a way I never had before.  If you know me, you know, I have always felt God on that campus, but this was unexplainably different.  

I entered the chapel with the intention to sit in the back and observe.  I only made it halfway down the aisle before hearing a sweet friend call my name.  I sat by her and quickly began confessing sin and the situation I was experiencing.  The hours I spent on campus that day were filled with precious encounters with friends speaking truth in my life and praying over me.  At one point, the worship team entered into a time of guided prayer and asked those struggling with suicidal ideation to stand.  As I stood, I quickly felt the hands of many friends on my shoulders.  They prayed for the chains of suicide and depression to be removed from me.

I immediately felt a difference in my soul, but honestly there was still some skepticism.  I’ve grown up in church and had been to many youth camps where I experienced the “mountain top high” that lasts a few weeks and fizzles out leaving me where I was before.  I wondered if that was what I was feeling.  A month later, I realized I still hadn’t experienced the depression or suicidal ideation that has imprisoned me for most of my life, even while experiencing situations that typically would have ended in a total tailspin of depression.  

It has now been about 8 months and if I’m honest I still wonder at times if those issues are gone for good.  I don’t know that answer, but I do know that the most important thing that came out of my “outpouring experience” is that I undoubtedly met my God in a real and personal way that has changed my heart.  He met me with His forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love.  It was the beginning of a new chapter, a new life.

During the course of the weeks of the Asbury “Outpouring”, thousands made their way onto the campus to experience their own encounter with God.  As I hear the stories of the outpouring from staff and students, the thing that has struck me most is the impeccable timing of God.  I cannot even begin to fathom how the God of the universe can orchestrate an “outpouring” that came at the exact moment thousands of people needed it.  I’m in awe.

Wherever you are, if you’re doubting, feeling alone, or feel like you’ve fallen too far, God wants to meet you in that place of deep hurt. You are not alone. It’s my prayer that God will show up with His impeccable timing and you will find hope in Jesus Christ.

May we land on His grace.