I ran into the crashing waves excited to try out my new boogie board, I got about waist high in the water, and positioned myself just right to catch the wave.  Within seconds, I was knocked off and caught in the undertow unable to free myself from the current.  I held my breath as I struggled to try to sit up in the shallow water.  No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t free myself from the current.  It was less than a minute before I was washed onto shore but seemed like an eternity.  I didn’t see the red flag that was there to warn me that there was danger in the waves.  

I don’t know about you, but I feel my feelings.  My feelings tend to be big.  I feel them so much that I can’t ignore them.  For me, feelings can be just like the crashing waves and if I’m not careful, I can get stuck in the undertow.  For so long, when I experienced negative emotions, I would get stuck in the undertow letting my emotions dictate my next move or believe that the negative would last forever.  The negative emotions would lead to negative self-talk and I would get caught in a web of depression.  

When January 2023 happened, I had been in the grasp of the undertow of my emotions for years, if I’m honest.  I couldn’t keep going like that any longer.  The weeks after the implosion left me in a wake of all of the negative emotions of shame, loneliness, feeling unloved, feeling abandoned, feeling like a failure, hopelessness, and feeling like it would never get better.  I believed the lies of my emotions like I always had.  I knew it had to change, but I didn’t know how to change it.  

In those early days, I fought back against the negative emotions by simply showing up and riding the waves.  Those were long and hard days.  During the months to follow I began to learn how to acknowledge the feelings, but then remind myself of God’s truth.  I started to see the initial negative emotions as the red flag telling me to proceed with caution because the waves were raging. 

I wrote out Bible verses that stated the promises of God on little flash cards that I could quickly reference when my emotions tried to knock me over.  I plastered Philippians 4:8 in my room, bathroom, and on the screen saver on my phone. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  I had to remind myself to think of the hope I had in Christ and not on the feelings associated with the grief and all the things I thought I lost.  I wrote the verses out because I knew when the waves came, I might not be able to think to look the verses up.  I became prepared for the waves.  

I learned that my emotions may have a tendency to rage like ocean waves, but I had a choice to let them knock me over or anchor myself in Christ.  We are human and feelings are part of the human experience the good ones and the bad ones.  When we are anchored into Christ we will not drown in the shallow water of our emotions.  We can feel them, acknowledge them, and remind ourselves that He is walking us through the toughest of emotions. 

I still have waves of big emotions but the difference is that I am prepared with the tools that help me anchor myself in Him.  My emotions are temporary and often lessen with time.  I just have to ride them out as I cling to His word, His truth, His promises.

If you are in a place where the waves of emotions are knocking you down this may seem cliché.  When the waves are knocking you down it often doesn’t seem like God is there or that you have any hope.  Despite the feelings anchor into Him and remind yourself that the raging storm of feelings is often happening in the shallow water.  Prepare yourself for the raging waves.  I pray that you will find ways to remind yourself of God’s truth and promises.  His anchor will hold, just press into him.  You are not alone.  May we land on His grace.